State of “The State of the Union”

If you want to know what’s wrong with the current state of the self-proclaimed “Greatest Country in the World!” all you have to know is that seven states currently have “state guns.” That’s right. Just seven. Seven out of fifty. Fourteen percent! You can bet they all have state flowers and state birds and even state flags. But in the land of the free, home of the brave, with a constitutional right to walk around short-sleeved (bare arms), only seven states have bothered to recommend a gun for their citizens to shoot squirrels, trespassers and commie-terrorist-nazis with. Meanwhile, Yemen has a greater-guns-per citizen ratio than the “most powerful nation in the world.” Yemen! (which has no need to nominate a state gun, what with every male over fourteen sporting a Kalashnikov over their shoulder, nicely complementing the jhamibiya dagger on their belt. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s the problem right there; how many daggers do you see on men’s belts these days? Men? Hell, they’d make nice fashion accessories for any gender, what with their ivory handles and jewel-encrusted hilts.